Jonathan Delavan shares how an article published nearly a year ago on this website still impacts him today and has helped inspire him to start a new endeavor in his life.
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There is an article on this site titled “Does Christian ‘Purity Culture’ Set The Bar Too High For Men?” written by Lynn Beisner almost a full year ago. I did not start visiting The Good Men Project website regularly till November of 2014 and later did not come across this article until February of this year. In fact, when I first read it, I did not realize how long ago the article was initially published on this website. Nonetheless, I found it incredibly impactful when I first read Lynn’s essay. Even a few months later, I still find it meaningful to my life. Let me share with you why.
The article discusses the author’s observation, commentary, and insight into the highly-conservative and pious Protestant Christian subculture prevalent in America. This religious American culture has various manifestations and sects, from mainstream Evangelicals to seemingly-fanatical Pentecostals. The example Lynn used in her article were those affiliated with the “Quiverfull” movement, but neither does she limit her exposé to this particular Christian sect alone. Lynn argues that this “purity culture” pervades not just American Christian circles, but has come to affect the rest of society’s perspectives on single male heterosexuality in this country; and its influence has been shaming men for generations.
Why does it still affect me today? I grew up in that purity culture that shamed both boys and girls for their latent sexuality and was willing to put the fear of God into them to do so. |
You may be wondering how all of this impacts me, even to this day. Well, to put it simply: I grew up in that religious subculture. I grew up in that purity culture that shamed both boys and girls for their latent sexuality and was willing to put the fear of God into them to keep them in line. So much so, that when I underwent puberty over a decade ago, my parents, teachers, and even some of my own peers resorted to physical, emotional, and spiritual abuses to keep me from exploring or understanding my emerging sexuality—even if it was the kind of sexuality condoned by the church (and only within marriage of course!).
I know I am not alone in this painful issue. Some of my friends have also grown up in this oppressive culture, and I am sure a number of you who read this may have very similar and painful experiences growing up in your families or churches. Nor was this article the first time I encountered a thoughtful critique on religiously motivated “purity standards” that are humanly unrealistic.
However, this article was the first in a long time where I read someone’s empathy over the issue, rather than simply condemning the evil patriarchy of American Christianity and leaving it at that. It was so encouraging, and even healing, for me to read a woman who chose to see the hidden pain boys and men suffer over their sexuality—and far too often in silence out of fear or shame. People tend to not realize that those who oppress others—in Lynn’s example, religious men who demonize sexuality by blaming or attacking women—are themselves suffering from their own oppression, and often ignorantly so! In this case, the religious men who demonize sexuality in women ultimately demonize their own sexuality by doing so, as well as those of other men. I was both a victim and a participant of this shaming system growing up, as difficult as it still is for me to acknowledge this reality of my past.
I am eager to say that I have made considerable progress thus far in my life, though my journey is by no means over. |
Over the past few years, I have embarked on a personal journey with therapeutic guidance to confront, address, resolve when possible, and eventually heal these traumatic experiences—among others—I was burdened with at a young age. I am eager to say that I have made considerable progress thus far in my life, though my journey is by no means near its end either. My journey has led me to explore and wrestle with these issues deeply within myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. Such pilgrimages of the soul were by no means easy for me to undertake; thus producing a quite turbulent and confusing odyssey. I have also scoured many books over the years on such difficult subjects, becoming an avid reader in the process.
Now, I wish to also become an ardent writer. I have experienced much and have gained many insights throughout this restless and ongoing journey of mine. As great as that is for me personally, I find that it is no longer quite enough—not any more at least. I find myself wanting and even needing to share what I have learned and experienced with others through my writing. I wish to do this not only to possibly help other men and women in their journeys through life, similarly to how Lynn’s article helped in mine; I also wish to initiate a new chapter in my own life as I continue to live it while owning my story and loving myself through the process.
This article, and others like it, has helped me to better understand my own struggle as well as to encourage me to carry on in my chosen directions in life. I hope you will continue with me as I begin publishing future articles and posts on The Good Men Project website.
And please feel free to let me know how this article of mine affected you in the comments below, I’d love to hear them!
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Photo: David Mican/Flickr
The post How an Article on Christian Purity Culture Is Still Affecting Me a Year Later appeared first on The Good Men Project.